It's Not Unusual Part 1
by Jojo Stix
Summary: A very unusual Slayers fic involving Zelgadis


**It's Not Unusual**   
**By Jojo Stix**__

_Disclaimer: The Slayers bunch don't belong to me. They are the creations of Hajime_   
_ Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi. "It's Not Unusual" is credited to Tom Jones. I'm just a poor, insane fangirl who thought this would be funny._ __

Zelgadis was sulking, all right; he was sulking more than usual. After all, what horrible thing had he done in his past life to deserve this? Being a chimera wasn't so bad as compared to what he was facing now. There he sat thinking how he had gotten himself in this situation. It was all like a bad flashback sequence.   
It had all started off as a good day, Zelgadis, alone, was on the fast track to hopefully finding a cure. This quest led him to a small village at the base of a large mountain; there he stopped for a cup of coffee. That was a big mistake for the only resteraunt in town was very busy. It wasn't crowded with customers, but all the staff was occupied with one special couple.   
"Waitress, three more orders of the special over here." A flamed haired sorceress with a much-talked about bust better known as Lina Inverse yelled between forkfuls.   
"Me too." The jellyfish brained blonde swordsman known as Gourry Gabriev yelled.   
"Oh no." Zel sighed upon hearing their voices. "Maybe they won't notice me if I sneak out of here."   
"Hey, isn't that Zelgadis?" Gourry asked.   
"Zel, it's been a long time." Lina said as she grabbed his arm. "Come, sit."   
Who was Zelgadis to defy Lina's request? He wasn't stupid enough to argue when she was eating.   
"How have you been Lina?" Zelgadis asked as he sat down. A waitress poured him a cup of coffee.   
"I've been…hey, where's my food?" Lina asked as she gazed at her empty plate.   
"I thought you were finished." Gourry said as he slurped up the last strand of spaghetti.   
"Gourry, how could you?" Lina asked as she put the swordsman in a headlock. "That was my food!"   
"Ow, ow, I'm sorry, I was hungry. Stop it Lina."   
"I see some things never change." Zel said as he sipped his coffee.   
"Sir, could you please not beat up people in our establishment?" A frightened waitress asked.   
"Who's a sir?" Lina yelled at the girl.   
"I can see how she made the mistake." Gourry told her. "You don't act like a lady, then again, you're flat enough to be a guy."   
"I'm sorry sir, I mean ma'am." The waitress kept apologizing as Lina's short fuse finally blew.   
"I am too lady like!" Lina snarled. "I'll show you."   
"Can you keep it down boy." A drunkard yelled from across the room.   
"**_Fireball_**!"   
As terror struck the restaurant, Zelgadis sipped his coffee. Lina kept on her attack against all those who thought she wasn't a girl. Gourry sat there ordering more food.   
"How have you been Zelgadis?" Gourry asked.   
"The same as always. I see Lina's the same."   
"Do you think we should stop her?"   
"Maybe. It's getting pretty warm in here." Zelgadis pointed out.   
Warm was right, for Lina's fireballs had managed to set the building a blaze. Gourry quickly grabbed the sorceress as Zelgadis helped the other patrons out.   
"My restaurant!" The owner yelled in disbelief. "You! You'll pay for this."   
'And he meant pay.' Zelgadis thought as the fuzzy flashback sequence ended. 'I almost wish Amelia was here, then I wouldn't be having to do this.'   
This happened to be working off the debt Lina had accumulated. Zelgadis and Gourry got suckered into helping her because they were her traveling companions. That and they knew better then to say no to Lina.   
So here Zelgadis was, sitting backstage of some cheesy nightclub. Gourry was working as a bouncer while Lina was bussing tables. This left the poor chimera with the only other job available, entertainer.   
"Five minutes." A burly man told Zelgadis as he entered. "Ya better be good, the boss wants his customers real happy."   
"I get it. Have you heard of knocking?" Zel asked.   
"Just making sure ya didn't run away." The man said as he turned towards the door. "Here I thought ya'd be a chicken."   
"I'm no coward." Zel yelled as he slammed the door. 

* * * * * * * *

"And now Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for the one, the only, Zelgadis." A man in a black tuxedo and a bad toupee told the crowd.   
As the lights dimmed, some upbeat music started. A bright spotlight set itself upon a powder blue leisure suit wearing Zelgadis.   
"It's not unusual to be loved by anyone." Zelgadis began singing.   
It turned out that the moody Zelgadis was a natural lounge singer or at least the crowd liked him. Especially the ladies. One bold woman even flung her panties at the blushing singer. As the skimpy cloth fell to the ground, Zel scanned the crowd for its origin. There, back by the bar, a busty young woman winked at him. Her red dress clung to her shapely curves, long; smooth legs peeked from the high slits. Her shoulder length purple hair hid her earring while her smile made Zel woozy.   
Red dress? Purple hair? Smiling? Zelgadis did a double take as the woman waved at him.   
'No, it couldn't be.' Zel thought as he continued his act.   
Time flies quickly when one is having a good time, this was no exception. Soon, it was time to close up for the night. Besides the staff and the Slayers bunch, there was the mysterious red dress woman by the bar. A very red faced Zelgadis marched up to her. There, he greeted her the only way he knew how to greet smiling purple haired people, by grabbing them by the throat.   
"Kisama!" Zelgadis growled as he tightened his grip.   
"Zel, what are you doing?" Gourry asked innocently.   
"Can you tighten your grip just a little more?" The woman asked as she "poofed" back into male form.   
"Xelloss? What are you doing here?" Lina asked, leading the trickster priest right into his famous line.   
"Sore wa himitsu desu." Xelloss told her as he did the oh so famous finger waggle.   
"Get lost." Zel said as he let go of the priest. "And take these with you." He threw the silk panties back at him disdainfully.   
"Aw Zel, I thought you liked what you saw." Xelloss said as he clung to Zelgadis's arm.   
"Fruitcake." Zelgadis muttered as he tried to pry Xelloss off of him.   
"I'm hurt, here I was trying to encourage you up there on stage and you don't appreciate it." Xelloss told him with a mock pout.   
"Yeah right. What do you really want Xelloss?" Zelgadis asked. "Get off already."   
"Well, if you insist." Xelloss giggled as Zelgadis quickly regretted his choice of words.   
"Knock it off! I mean, let go of my arm."   
The priest did as Zelgadis commanded, but before doing so, gave the stone boy a peck on the cheek.   
And with that, Xelloss left. Zelgadis and everyone stood in shock for a moment before the chimera bolted out the door.   



End file.
